Never Alone!!

There are times I will admit that I feel very alone here on earth even though I know that I am not, I have lots of people tell me I can call and talk to them but that is just not me. I figure everyone has enough without hearing my problems. So I turn to the One I always know is there for me, GOD!! Know matter that time of day or what the issue I can talk to him. I know if my parents were still here I could talk to them and as other family members there is so much sickness I just hate to burden anyone with my stuff!!

The last couple of months though have been very difficult, more difficult in some ways than when I was first diagnosed. Basically because now they keep changing what they think is wrong they just can't pinpoint exactly what it is. And I have to be honest the longer it goes and the more that comes out the less likely I am liking any diagnosis. But I will fight no matter what it is, I have to for my family until I just can't anymore.

I am sure some are wandering about new problems, I have a whole new onset of symptoms, right sided paralysis in my face and arm, body jerking and twitching, horrible debilitating headaches. All seem to lead to a few possible things they are thinking seizures. But it is possible other things, my blood counts have gone crazy again too and my blood is way to thin my PTT level was 200 not suppose to be greater than 20 so just not sure.

Just felt like I needed to say all this I hope this hope some understand my situation a little better. I love all my family and friends and I am greatly blessed to have each and everyone of you in my life!! GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!

When is Enough, Enough!!

I have to this a topic I have asked myself many times. When do we have enough with the drama in our life, and the many things that upset. But more and more I find myself asking when is enough pysical pain to much for body to bare anymore!! My list of medical ailments could be a resume it so long. In the last couple of months we have added about three more things on to it. I do believe that in God all things are possible and that HE does give us the knowlege to know when we need to see a doctor or when we need help of any kind. That being said I have to ask if HE gives that ability how could I not believe he would gives this ability and knowledge to know when enough is enough for our bodies!!

It would seem like anymore more days then not I am in pain and at least one day out of the week the pain is so unbearable that I can't even sit up! The doctors are all trying to get under control but fix one thing seems to aggervate another. I am now having mini-strokes and was told at anytime I could have a major stroke and was give the signs to look for, it seems like it is to much to process anymore. I seemed overwhelmed just with all the information given to me.

Then my family, having to watch them watch me like this is such a horrible feeling. I can not fix this for them I have no way of easing their worry anymore. My boys are saying momma we will take care of you and as much as that makes me feel good it makes me feel terrible. Ten, nine, and six yearsl old should not be taking care of me I am suppose to be taking care of them. But most days that is not possible, not without lots help.

So, this brings me back to my question is not possible to think with all the knowledge HE gives us, HE would also give us the knowledge to know when ENOUGH is ENOUGH!!

Friendship!!

I have seen a lot of things in my 35 years, have had lots of people tell me they are my friend or are there for me, but in the last what has been almost 2 years I have been surrounded by friendship, love, and support from a special group of people that I hold dear to my heart. I consider these people part of the family and if at any time if I knew they needed me and if God willing I could be there for them I would. As I sit here writing this I am simply overwhelmed by their love and support!! I am talking about the principal, teachers, and staff at Hilham Elementary!! I truly believe these are my families angels on earth!!

For some this may seem odd, but these people treat my boys like they are theirs, are there for me and my family in ways in to which there are not words. I was raised by an extremely independent woman who never ask for help was the one always helping. My husband says I am the same way, pride is my weakness. It is hard for me to ask for help so when I do I am really desperate. With this group at school, they offer and they ask but even though I never tell them I need help they still do it. They cook meals for my family, help us create wonderful family memories, that I know my boys will cherish forever. I am without words or gestures as to how to repay such kindness and love.  I know that my life is in God's hands but I also know that with all the problems that I have my eternal life will probably come sooner rather than later. That being said I had told someone I was praying that if it did happen I was praying for it to happen like the beginning of summer so the boys could process without worrying about school. Now I know that know matter when my boys will be surrounded by school because these angels I know will make sure that my boys are always OK, and that makes me so very grateful and appreciative!!

So as to my title Friendship, sometimes friends become family!! I don't believe family means a blood connections just a true loving and caring for the people in your family!! So for Hilham Elementary I love you all and thank you all and you are our Family!!